I felt like I had to write!… I had this deep urge to put onto paper a series of words and as I went the list grew… It’s not similar to anything I have written before-
I hope this proves to be as heart wrenching to read as it was to write. – This is not a letter I have actually written.
Letter to a friend.
I stopped talking to the Lord today… It’s a complex issue, but I just don’t have anything in common with Him anymore…
You see… He does everything right! And I strive my hardest not to do wrong.. But it happens anyways.
He made the sunset and sunrise… I don’t like art.
He has a choirs of angels singing to him… I’m more into screamo.
He desires relationship… I just want to hide in my room playing video games because I’m an introvert.
He has a son… I don’t have any children.
He is eternal… I’m only 20.
He has a wealth of experience and knowledge… I’m still afraid to make mistakes.
You see my friend?… This is my dilemma!
How can I talk to someone who not only knows everything I have done.. But everything I will do?
He has experienced it all before.
He’s probably sick by the fact that I can’t seem
to learn something for real… I’m talking about learning it, and being able to
apply it from there forward.
It seems I might learn something… I skip it for a few days and then I revert right back to it and have to go through the same process all over again. Year after year I am still in the same place – Having the same thoughts.
Friend. It’s not because I have a grudge against God. It’s not that I disbelieve… Its that I have become tired of my own actions, misactions, reactions… I’m forever apologizing to Him, and nothing changes… I’m still in a hard place.
I look in the mirror everyday and I don’t know if this is how I’m meant to be… Looking at myself in disgust.
I know what my head thinks… I know where my heart lies… And I know that neither of them are where their meant to be.
Oh friend… If your still reading, please pray on my behalf for a while.