I was sitting down on the edge of a couch- When I turned to the group of people next to me, I started a conversation… And it gave me a place to process.
My last 2 blogs were super deep to me- And I have stuck them at the bottom of the list, in an attempt to hide them. But I have made rules for myself to keep whatever I have posted up- So I can come back later and see the changes, see my growth, and ultimately see where God has been in my journey.
Where do you turn to when you are struggling? Who do you have- Or do you hold it?
Is church a place where you can go to relax and be lifted up by people of a similar mind and place of life- Where you won’t be judged, but prayed for and helped in the place that you are in? Or is church a place where you have to put on a show and pretend that everything is fine- Despite all your struggles and everything that has been going on throughout the week?
If I’m to be honest- I feel like the latter.
I walk in- struggling with fears, struggling with my relationship with God, guilty with the thoughts I have had the week prior, feeling insecure about the friendships that I’m lacking in, feeling guilty in my lack of commitment to my resolves, and worked up by the lack of time I have spent in prayer or reading the Bible.
But I hide it! I don’t let it be known. I try and reflect the faces that I see around me… So I smile and talk about how much I love carpentry- But no one see’s what’s breaking inside.
My goal is not to receive sympathy or get a special message from someone on facebook offering a place to vent.
My goal and aim is to point out a problem that I see. (And maybe I don’t see the whole picture). But I want to see our churches teeming with realness, honesty, vulnerability… I think its crucial for us to have a place to go to be built up- But how can we be built up if we aren’t getting information on the things we are currently having to deal with? And how can someone give us information on the things that we are currently dealing with unless we have a culture and a place to be honest and real.
I leave church feeling exhausted and tense- Phew! That was a close one- I almost slipped and burst into tears. I’ll regroup and do it better next Sunday. Maybe I’ll even practice a line…
Thanks for reading!