Déjà Vu

Defined as: a feeling of having already experienced the present situation.

I spent years of my life adamant that I had the gift of prophecy… I just didn’t know how to use it..
I used to have vivid dreams, nightmares, and deja vu on a weekly basis- And it was fun for a little while to think that my dreams were going to come to some fruition… But it actually started to terrify me, and kept me from doing things out of absolute fear..

I remember a vivid dream- turned nightmare- On a snow covered mountain top with a bus full of people..

We stopped and got out to play- We all slid down the hill for the thrill.. But as we tried to climb.. The snow above our hands moved and it became a ripple effect— The snow all started to move and we couldn’t do anything about it… The bus that was hundreds of meters above us started to slip straight towards us at an alarming rate.
Slipping quickly- I saw the edge of our hill come to a huge drop off and as I started to dangle off the edge-
My whole body convulsed and I awoke.. I was terrified.

It probably sounds really stupid – But this dream caused a deep and crippling fear in my bones about snowy mountains and bus trips.. I have declined the opportunity to go to the snow more than 3 times with this dream at the forefront of my mind…

Well, at the start of Prosago- Our first trip was the solo journey.. We journeyed to a more secluded lake- And then split off each finding a spot along the edge of the lake to spend the next 2 and a half days…

When we eventually joined together again- We had a group conversation about a bunch of different things…
We talked about what we thought about, what we did, funny things, and the giants that we conquered from our past..
And then there was a small question about what we were hoping to get out of the program..

This presented the opportunity for a few of our fears to be opened up about– A few different people mentioned their fear about white water kayaking, heights, and other normal things…
And I… I just kept my biggest fear a secret…


During Prosago- I found a healthier fear of deja vu…
I dismissed my fear of the snow and spent 3 months in it- Realizing that it wasn’t out there to get me.
I also discovered that fear can be healthy, but we shouldn’t let it control us.

During the program I also experienced a different form of deja vu..

I was giving a talk in front of all the others… and afterwards I got called to Jodie’s office… He wanted to point out that I had previously shared devotions in the form of stories- And that he was after something different from me.

In preparation for my next leading week, I worked on presenting a different way— I really did.. But when it came to presenting my first one.. This new found form of presentation– It.. It.. It just didn’t work- SO in a quick attempt to save my leadership week, I put a relatable story before each of the devotions.
And at the end of the week, I got called into Jodie’s office and had a deja vu moment… Oh, my goodness.. I feel like I’ve done this, heard this, seen this before…

Sometimes we can be so closed off…
We realize somethings not good for us, so we stop just long enough for us to forgive ourselves in a relapse; I did well! I lasted long enough…

We realize the way we say things is being taken the wrong way, we realize how much time we are spending on technology, we realize how initiative can boost a relationship, we realize it’s easier to make a list and do it than rely on our memory… We realize these things again and again…
Deja Vu?


I’m not trying to judge or condemn..
I found it hard to write this- Because I’m sitting here in my room after having just cleaned the room because it was messy… Again.
But I guess the main difference is what your going to do now? After the fact.. ?

Will you accept your original effort and keep it as something that could climb out of the closet/ another moment of deja vu.. – or will you try again, make another attempt, work at it.


Thanks for reading!

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