Resolution 3

When I process a blog- I don’t think about my location as generally being an important fact to share… Who, where, what, when are questions that everyone longs to answer as they go through the discovery of story… Yet I often leave these unanswered- Especially the details. I might talk about the past in a cryptic ‘A few weeks ago’, or ‘I was having a conversation the other day that…’. Or talk about something in the past… And I’ve felt that I have been growing in my ability to tell a story through the neglection of these thorough details.
BUT there’s a plus and minus to every strength and weakness.. Your greatest strength could be your downfall.
As I have been going through this journey of personal development I have been becoming more cryptic in my plans for the future, in the way I talk to people, in my approach to lots of things…

I have been travelling with a friend from Canada for the past 12 days now, and we have challenged each other in a lot of things over the journey- But as I have been challenged, I have been shocked and scarily overwhelmed at how much I’ve been missing.
What are you doing in your life to pursue leadership growth? – I’m a leader at a camp…?- I found I wasn’t able to answer things that probably should have been natural.. 
How are you doing socially?- I’m talking more! I.. I.. I guess I’ve been alright…? 

So I know that being forward and talking about real life is scary… And I know that there are things that I will never be able to say over this blog- But I cannot continue down this path of cryptology and weak answers.

I cannot allow my life to just pass by, I am not pursuing nothing… So it’s now my turn to JUDGE.

I’m not sure if you have ever heard of the Myers Briggs personality spectrum.. It’s a system based on 8 base traits- And you are either 1 or another- Meaning you are limited to only four traits.
And there are 16 different combinations at the end of the day.

If that’s confusing- That’s because I’m not good at explaining it.. But I’m going to try again anyways.
You can be Introverted or Extroverted.
You can be Intuitive or Sensing.
You can be Thinking or Feeling.
You can be Prospecting or Judging.

I am introverted meaning I get energy from alone time, or quiet time-
I am intuitive meaning I spend more time dreaming about fantasies than thinking about real life things- Such as taking out the rubbish, doing dishes or needing to do my laundry (Exaggerations of course)-
I am thinking- meaning that I like to process things through fact more than feeling.
I am prospecting meaning that I like to search for options and keep them open and hate todo lists…

It’s quite a fun thing to look into- It’s not something you should base your life on, but it can be quite interesting to see how you act, react, respond, re-energize, how you think..  ETC> From a birds eye view. 

I have been doing the test for years now- Every so often I’ll whip out and try again.. I always get the same answer. INTP.

I have been thinking about that last trait- I gave a very pathetic definition of it. But prospecting..

I think I have been keeping everything too open, and leaving things too late, I have been letting things slip by as I wait for something better… And it’s time to change.
I resolve today to JUDGE. Work on making todo lists, work on communicating better, getting onto things earlier and actually committing to something.

I thought a personal update about where I am and what’s actually happening in my life would also be appropriate. 
I am in Wanganui currently at the time of the making of this blog. My friend (un-named) and I have gone from the heights of Warkworth to now where we dwell in the depths of Wanganui.  

We are heading towards my house in the south island where we will stay for a week. 

Home is a word that defines where your heart lies.. And unfortunately I have been struggling throughout the year to feel/find ‘place’. It hasn’t been easy and there’s been times that I want to just give up…

I have thought several times about what I could do differently, and worked on a few things like making sure I am the one to say ‘hello’ first, but never felt satisfied or accepted.  
Since the beginning of this trip I have come to a different understanding of myself… A more realistic view of me. 
I might not be seeing 40/40. But I do think I understand more about myself than I did, and want to enter the new year making changes to my attitude, the way I organise my life. 

(A small glimpse if you want to know)> 

I am arriving back in town soon and intend on working out a growth plan- That covers leadership, spirituality, personal, and even professional growth. These will all cross over with the resolves so that I’m not trying to spread myself too thin and pursue 20 different things- Rather I’ll try and tie them to the 5 resolves and potentially dynamise them till they work with each other.

Thanks for reading! I hope it made you ponder. 

J- Star. 

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